As some of you may know, I have been having an extremely tough winter (mentally). Living in Chicago is really great and I’m in love with the city…most of the time. Winters have always been harder for me with the lack of sun, warmth, fresh air, etc — but for some reason this winter my seasonal depression and anxiety disorder has been at an all time low. I’ve been having multiple panic attacks a week and general physical anxiety symptoms daily since right before the holidays. My motivation to get things on my to-do lists done had also been almost nonexistent. It’s been very hard, mainly because I have had my anxiety really under control for the past 4+ years and this really seemed to hit me hard and unexpectedly.
This past weekend I was able to get out of town for a few days and see some friends in Miami/Ft Lauderdale, Florida. I was extremely nervous that my anxiety & fears would take over and ruin my entire trip (especially because my flight anxiety has become a lot worse over the past year) but I’m so glad to say that it didn’t. My flight on the way into Florida wasn’t great, but after leaving the airport I was just genuinely happy to be there. A change in climate, a change in scenery — those are things that have always been significant to my mental health, in the winter especially.
Unfortunately the weather in Florida was pretty terrible my first day there. Definitely warmer than Chicago, but both rainy and gloomy almost the entire day. The next day, however, was the most beautiful day full of sunshine, not too hot or too cold. Incredible. The second I stepped onto the warm sand on the beach I felt any leftover anxiousness just melt away. Laying down with the sun hitting my face and soaking into my skin made me actually forget what anxiety even felt like. I felt like ME again, for the first time in a long time. I didn’t want that moment to come to an end. Obviously this didn’t take away my mental illness issues permanently, but what it did was make me realize that things are going to get better. This is only temporary. Winter in Chicago will be over sooner than I know, and I just have to keep pushing through. I’ve done it for 26 years before this – and I can do it now.
Talk soon..
Xoxo, LWD
lwd 